Don't compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday. - Jordan Peterson
This article aims at explaining various toxic personalities by describing them and deducing the root cause of their toxicity.
The Toxic personalities to be covered are listed below, according to the classification given in Robert Greene's The Laws of Human Nature.
- The Hyper-Perfectionist
- The Relentless Rebel
- The Personalizer
- The Drama Magnet
- The Sexualizer
- The Pampered Prince/Princess
- The Pleaser
- The Easy Moralizer
The Hyper-Perfectionist
People of this type will lure you into their circle by their work rate, and their dedication to making the best of whatever they build or produce.
Unfortunately, their pursuit of excellence isn't based on some noble standard they set for themselves, rather, it stems from dependency issues resulting from their family background. They secretly despise any feeling of dependence because this leads to anxiety.
This behavior results in an ineptitude to delegate and a strong tendency to micromanage.
The Relentless Rebel
People of this type always seem exciting at first glance, they hate authority and love the underdog. As humans, we are all attracted to attitudes like this because it appeals to the adolescent in each of us; that desire to snub our nose at authority. This type sees the following of rules & conventions as dense, weak, and stodgy.
Unfortunately, as you get closer to this type you notice that their rebellious nature isn't something they can control, it is due to a certain compulsion to feel superior. During their childhood years, a parent, usually a father figure, probably disappointed them. This resulted in profound disregard, dislike, and even hate for all those who hold positions of power.
You should also note that people of this sort tend to be unable to take criticism of any sort well due to the fact that they see it as an attempt to exercise superiority over them and this makes really problematic to work with or preside over.
The Personalizer
People of this type seem so sensitive, and thoughtful, these traits will certainly attract you due to the fact that it is a rare and nice quality. They might come off as a little sad & moody but you might take this as a result of their sensitive nature, they are also almost certainly quite intelligent, considerate, and good to work with. You will be drawn in by their seemingly kind but sad bearing, it'll make you feel a need to help and assist them.
Individuals like this tend to take everything said to them personally, they will brood for days. This is most often a result of the fact they feel as kids they never got enough from their parents, be it love, attention, or material possessions. Later in life, everything tends to remind them of what they didn't get, they go through life resenting this and wanting people to give them things without their asking.
If you look back on their life, you will see a pattern of falling outs where they always see themselves as the wronged party. People like this tend to have a long memory and as such will certainly get back at those whom they feel insulted, or wronged them, it is best to stay away from people like this because they will inevitably make you feel guilty for something.
The Drama Magnet
People of this type will draw you in with their exciting presence, unusual energy, and fascinating stories. They can be quite witty, animated, and funny until they turn ugly.
As children, they most certainly had busy, and self-absorbed parents, and they most probably learned that the only way to get love and attention that lasted was to enmesh their parents, and themselves in their troubles via drama, this then became a habit, and their way of feeling alive and wanted.
It is of the utmost importance you understand that the greatest need of people of this type is to get their hooks into by any means possible. They will drag you so deep into their pool of drama, that you begin to feel guilty for even thinking of pulling out.
The Big Talker
This type drags you in with their impressive ideas, their big ad exciting projects. They always seem to be in need of some support, funding, or a big break in order to get off their feet. You will be tempted to provide said support, but once you look at their track record, you see no tangible past or present achievements.
Rather, you see a history of inefficiency, and an inability to turn ideas into reality. People of this type most often secretly crave the power, attention, and power that come with success but are afraid of putting in the effort and responsibility which are essential components of great and admirable success, they will inevitably prove a waste of your time.
The Sexualizer
This type is charged with sexual energy, in a way that is refreshingly unrepressed. They almost certainly mix work with pleasure, they usually blur the boundaries with regard to sexual energy. You might see this energy as healthy and natural but in truth, it comes from a dark place.
Most often, people of this type suffered sexual abuse, in their early years, from someone very close to them, probably a mother, father, or uncle. It could have been directly physical or psychological. Thus, a sad pattern is then generated, they will tend to see every relationship as potentially sexual, and they are prone to seeing sex as a means of self-validation, their attractive sexual drive attracts mates and provides them said validation during their younger years but as they approach old age at which they seize to become attractive, they begin to spiral downward.
The Pampered Prince/Princess
This type draws you in with their regal air. They are calm, elegant, and seem naturally superior. Slowly, you might find yourself doing favors for them; working extra hours, doing their menial jobs, etc.
Most probably, people of this type were pampered by their parents during childhood. Their Parents indulged their every whim and protected them from the harsh realities of the real world. People of this usually grow into adulthood looking to replicate the early pampering and when they don't get it they display baby-like behavior; pouting, throwing tantrums, etc.
The Pleaser
People of this type are usually nice, considerate, accommodating, and charming. After spending some time with them you might begin to harbor a certain amount of doubt, you might not understand where it's coming from but sometimes things just don't feel right, and they may exhibit unusual behavior; irrational tantrums, unexpected reactions, etc and you get the feeling that they have a mask on and they are putting on a show.
Most often as children, they had harsh and punishing parents who scrutinized and unfailingly criticized their every move, as a result of this, they developed survival mechanisms, most commonly; lying, smiling in order to deflect hostility, etc, and they carry these mechanisms into their older years.
They seemingly want to please those above them, but they secretly yearn to harm or steal from those they defer to.
The Easy Moralizer
These types tend to have strong opinions on everything, they communicate a sense of outrage at this bit of injustice or that, and they are quite eloquent as well, their conviction most definitely gets them, followers, including you. As you continue to interact with them you begin to notice cracks in their righteous persona.
As children, they were often made to feel guilty for their own strong impulses, this made them develop even stronger impulses and desires for pleasure. Due to the fact that they were forced to repress their impulses, they project negative qualities onto others who are more liberal in following their impulses as a way to justify their envy.
EndNote
I feel obliged to point out that Human Nature is not an exact science, as such, it cannot be put down in exact words. Human beings are complex social animals that exhibit a myriad of emotions, as such, an epistemological process such as the scientific method which could be used for the natural sciences cannot be used to efficiently deduce their exact reactions.
Due to that, you should know that it is extremely feasible for a person to exhibit a combination of the traits discussed above. In essence, the discussion above should be used more like a guide rather than an instruction manual.
For those in Toxic relationships, below is an excerpt from 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Professor Jordan Brent Peterson an acclaimed Clinical psychologist, writer, and speaker.
“If I stay in an unhealthy relationship with you, perhaps it’s because I’m too weak-willed and indecisive to leave, but I don’t want to know it. Thus, I continue helping you and console myself with my pointless martyrdom. Maybe I can then conclude, about myself, “Someone that self-sacrificing, that willing to help someone—that has to be a good person.” Not so. It might be just a person trying to look good pretending to solve what appears to be a difficult problem instead of actually being good and addressing something real. Maybe instead of continuing our friendship I should just go off somewhere, get my act together, and lead by example.”
If you are interested in knowing more about Human Nature, do look into Robert Greene's The Laws of Human Nature, it was the source most of the content for this article.